How to write your own
Vows
A Complete Guide to Wedding Vows:
Writing Tips & Questions to get you started
I have created this helpful step-by-step guide to help you write your own vows. There's things to think about, what to consider, and some fun brainstorming prompt questions to help spur ideas that you can refine into vows that are personalized.
Preface: You weddings vows should be completely yours and suit you and your partner. These are simply some ideas to get you started and to get into the right headspace. Which is a big hurdle at the start. By all means… throw this all out and do what suits you and your partner best.
Writing vows can be exciting and debilitating at the same time. The key is to not overthink it too much. Collect your thoughts and intention and put that to page. For some that may be throwing out word salad on the page and then narrowing it. For others, that can be letting it stew in your mind before even writing a word and then refining. A key thing is to take breaks and give yourself grace. Some people are great off-the-cuff to be more heartfelt and honest, others need to get it out first and then arrange their thoughts. There is no right way.
Table of Contents
What are Wedding Vows?
Essentially, they are promises you are making to one another that you intend to keep as you continue into marriage.
How to Write Wedding Vows
This is a rough structure, you can remove or add and rearrange these to suit you.
Vows Include
- Introduction - start with warm greeting or nickname. Briefly describe how they have impacted your life. Who is this person to you?
- Reflection - Think back on how your relationship began and what it meant to you then. Maybe the first moment you realized you loved this person and maybe the moment you wanted to marry this person.
- Appreciation - What is it about your partner that you truly admire and appreciate in your life. Things they do for you and others that mean so much. How have you connected deeply with them throughout your time together. What do you love about your partner?
- Together - How do you fit together? How do you complement and motivate each other? Share a story. Mention a time your partner really helped you out of a hard time, how you complement and are there for each other.
- Promises - What are the things you will do for your partner and your relationship. Share specific ways on how you will show your love and support.
- Future - What do you want for your partners future, and your future together. What you are looking forward to? Where will you be 5, 10, 30 years from now? Share specifc things you will accomplish it together.
- Closing - end with a statement of love, a proclamation. You can include a inside joke or favorite line from a movie or book that sums you feeling for this person and this moment for you. A common one is, “...As long as we both shall live.”
Tips for Writing
your Vows
Here are some ideas to get you started
- Start with Partner - Be on the same page on how you want to write them or what to include. Agree on an over all length. Are they just promises or more of a narrative? Its best to keep them a secret after you’ve written them but this is a good starting point so you’re on the same page. Do you want them personalized or short and sweet? Want to include or avoid anything religious or traditional?
Don’t Wait Till the Last minute
- Give yourself the time to practice and refine. Reading them to a friend or family member can be invaluable. On the day you will be not as nervous too.Get in the Right Headspace
- Surround youself with messages from your partner, re-read letters, watch old videos and look at photos. Be in that space with your partner and all the things you have done and been through together.List Out Your Thoughts
- Sometimes it can be great to just make a word salad of thoughts and then pick the ones that fit or are most important for you. I joke you have to get the bad ideas out to see the good ones.Don’t Include Everything
- Try to narrow in on your intent and do that in the most poignant way possible without rambling.Include Inside Jokes
- Integrate how you are together. Things that only you two know or things people would associate with the two of you. Add some personalization when you can.Find Inspiration in Books, Songs, Movies, and Poems.
- If you have a favorite line from a movie or song that expresses your feelings, use it as a starting point. And don't discount children's books or media as they often have a way of communicating deep, complex emotions in simple sentences. Maybe old letters, messages to each other or old photos.Practice Reading Out Loud
- You can do this to yourself and even others. Having some input from someone trusted can be great if a joke doesn’t make sense or what you are trying to say gets confusing. Sometimes we are just too close to something to hear how it is received.Keep Vows a Secret Until the Ceremony
- It will be more impactful if your partner hears your vows for the first time in the moment.Write Vows in a Vow Book or Something Personal and Fitting
- Get them out of your phone and into a fixed final form. It also makes for a great momento. Pick out vow books together - You could even make them. They don’t have to be fancy, just something nice and personal. Put them into something more permanent and special. Also, they look great in photos.Include Stories, but Avoid Embarrassment
- It’s great to inject humor and stories with and about your loved one. You want your vows to be uplilfing so stay clear of anything that may be embarrassing or something sensitive.Take Breaks
- Don’t expect to write your vows down in one sitting. In fact, its probably best to take breaks and come back to them with fresh eyes and ears.
Brainstorming Prompts
for your Vows
Here are some questions to as yourself to get the ideas flowing.
Get a good brainstorm going to get all those feelings and ideas out to be able to narrow down and refine them into your vows.
- Where did you meet? What did you immediately think of them? What did you think before?
- Was there a specific moment when you realized you love this person?
- When did you know you wanted to marry them?
- How has your partner impacted your life?
- How have they changed your view of the world?
- What do you miss the most when you are apart?
- How do they “get” you?
- When do you feel most connected with your partner?
- What have you been through together, for each other?
- Is there a song that represents your relationship?
- Thank you for being there when…
- It's always an adventure with you when we…
- I am excited to see you when…
- You fill my life with meaning by…
- You drive me to be a better person by…
"We really enjoyed having Dylan as our photographer for our elopement. He was the perfect ‘third wheel,’ fun to be around and easy to talk to on our important day. From the beginning he took the time to learn our vision for the day and what was important to us as a couple. He was very helpful picking out the location and did a lot of research."
Erin + Connor
Examples of Wedding Vows
Remember, the most meaningful vows are the ones that reflect the unique bond between you two.
Feel free to customize and add personal touches to make them truly your own.
Traditional Vows
- "I, [Name], take you, [Partner's Name], to be my lawfully wedded [wife/husband], to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do us part."Personalized Vows
"I promise to laugh with you in times of joy and comfort you in times of sorrow. I will share in your dreams and support you as you strive to achieve your goals. I will listen and learn from you, and speak to you with encouragement."Funny Vows
"I vow to always let you have the last fry and to never steal your side of the bed unless it's too cold on my side. I promise to love you even when you're hangry, and to always share my snacks with you."Poetic Vows
"In the garden of life, I will be your sunshine, nourishing you with love and warmth. Together, we will weather the storms, and our love will be the anchor that holds us steady. With each sunrise and sunset, I promise to cherish and adore you."Adventure-themed Vows
"I promise to embark on this grand adventure with you, facing challenges hand in hand. Just like a team of explorers, we'll navigate life's uncharted territories, savoring the highs and learning from the lows. Together, we'll climb mountains, cross valleys, and navigate the unknown. With you, every adventure is sweeter."Promise-styled Vows
"I promise to be your partner in all things, your biggest fan and your honest critic. I vow to support your dreams and goals, to create a home filled with love and laughter, and to be your confidant and companion throughout our journey together."Cultural or Religious Vows
"In accordance with our faith and before [deity/religious figure], I pledge my love and commitment to you. I promise to honor and respect our shared values, and to walk beside you in faith, love, and devotion."
